So, how are you doing with the anxiety of living through this time of the worldwide Covid pandemic?
Me, I’m feeling it. It comes in waves and then rests for a while. It’s like grief that way, it is a form of grief really as we’ve left behind a now gorgeous-looking normal and we don’t know what the new normal will be. This, my loves, is a Time of Transition. It’s not just the idea of normal life which has changed, it’s also our awareness of our own impending mortality. Which has always been a fact, yet it might blind-side us in a new way we didn’t have to consider or live with before. We can’t see it coming and if it doesn’t kill us, it could get someone, more than one, we love or impair our bodies for life. Everything, everything is uncertain right now. And it’s exhausting.
Oh, and here’s another layer of anxiety, isn’t it? We want to do things this way because that seems right to us and then we see other people doing things in ways we do not agree with. This brings anxiety and perhaps anger about what harm they might cause that we’re sure we won’t cause because we’re doing it right. And we worry that we’re doing it wrong. What if we get it wrong? Someone could die! This affects even the smallest daily things we do. It’s freaking us out that something so small and normal could harm us or others.
I wanted to get that out the way. Look it in the eye and say, yes, we see you Uncertainty.
No wonder we’re anxious.
We know this isn’t the best way to live. So many of us already lived with a level of stress before Covid landed, in personal, relationships, work lives and sometimes all of these things. It’s known we live in one of the most stress-riven cultures in the world and we’ve become used to it. We know it’s not good for us. It’s not good for our immune systems, right when we need them to be at their finest.
So it’s important that you know that feeling anxious right now is fine. We’ve never experienced this kind of global uncertainty in our lives before. It’s ok to feel anxious.
Normally in the face of danger we have the option of running away and yet every time we leave our homes, we’re aware we could be heading straight into a situation where the virus could reach us and possibly destroy our lives.
It’s ok that you feel anxious. It’s a natural response to what’s happening.
And it’s not only the virus, there’s also all the social and political unrest, random terrible events which have nothing to do with the pandemic, climate change…… Constantly checking the news….
No wonder we’re feeling anxious. It’s everywhere you look, all this uncertainty. Nothing feels solid and reliable any more. It’s like being cast adrift at sea with only a small bit of driftwood to hang onto for dear life. Sometimes.
Sometimes though, we’re accutely aware of all the amazing things we do have to lean on – our homes, the people we love, the fact that we can still shop for food and potentially go out for coffee or visit a friend, for now. They all have the potential to change and not be there for us. Yet, right now, in this moment, they’re here. The clothes you’re wearing, the floor beneath you, the sky, your breath. They could change. Yet right now, they’re here and in this moment you are ok, you are safe. And in this moment. And now. And now.
Anxiety can be infectious. Maybe you were feeling alright till someone started talking a load of worry, trying to share the load and it upset your balance. Maybe yesterday you affected someone else like that. It’s a collective experience and we’re all trying to find our way. It’s ok. It’s the waves of anxiety and grief for the steady ship we thought we were on. Remember to be kind, we’re in this together.
Peace can be infectious too though. It’s our natural way, to be at peace, to have peace at our core, even when we’re dealing with a whole bunch of other life-stuff and emotions. Even the really hard stuff. Don’t believe me? Your own body is proof. When we have peace deep inside us, we can think clearly and we know what to do, we create solutions and ideas to help ourselves and those around us, things we couldn’t come up with in normal circumstances. We can feel the stress and do it anyway. When we hold peace, our heart rate and blood pressure and hormones and blood chemistry normalise and balance. And our immune systems are stronger. And it noticeably just feels better.
I’d say peace can be more infectious, given that it’s our natural way of being.
In some ways, the problem is not that we’re experiencing anxiety while living through anxious times, it’s that it feels overwhelming. Are you anxious about how anxious you feel? Angry, sad? Do you wish it could just be over so you could relax? Me too.
Scary.
That’s ok. It’s almost laughably so.
However…….. In a way, you can relax already. If you can let go of your resistance to your anxiety, even just a bit, you’ll get some better immune functioning right now and some peace. In our acceptance of our current circumstances, we let go of layers of that anxiety and gain some clarity, some peace where we can see the right way forward, for us. The clear next steps.
Firstly, start by accepting, noticing that you feel anxious right now. It’d be hard not to be. Be a loving witness for how you’re feeling. Say it out loud or in your mind, voice all the angsty thoughts and worries and fears, all the what if’s, go for it, get them out. Like you would with a friend who’d say “I hear you, I see you, I feel you.” Listening, without judging, without needing to do anything about it. Just being there for yourself, acknowledging it’s a difficult time. It’s ok. That’s fine.
Next try this. When you think about all these worries, where do you feel that in your body? Let your eyes gently close if it’s safe to do so. Feel where that anxiety is sitting in your body. Stomach, shoulders, forehead, neck, eyes, jaw, heart, back, knees…. Notice how it feels. Dull ache, sharp and hot, like a vice, like an emptiness? It might move around. And then for the next few minutes just watch that sensation in your body. Every time you notice it change, even slightly, in your mind say, “Changing”.
After a little, notice that you are observing these sensations. You are witnessing them and the part of you that’s witnessing them is calm and still, not overwhelmed but peaceful. In your mind, say “Peace.” Let yourself feel that. Open your eyes when you feel like it.
You are bigger than your anxiety. I hope you can see that you are experiencing anxiety. It is not overwhelming you. It’s like a storm passing over, maybe now more like a squall. It will pass. It is not the whole of you, it is something you’re living through.
This is a really important exercise and if you do it and practice it, you will find you can feel that stillness more readily as you go about your day. I don’t feel it all the time, I still deal with anxiety and it still gets to me sometimes and threatens to drown me. But I can see it for what it is, I know it will pass, I know it’s something I’m experiencing and I can still choose to feel my peace amid the storm and that’s freeing. My body can feel the difference immediately.
Bob Marley said, “You never know how strong you can be until courage is your only option.”
Bring your courage and be there to support yourself going through this. And from there, you’ll have more wherewithal to be there for other people too. Sometimes courage is as simple as listening to yourself instead of hiding from your anxious thoughts.
Did you find some things about lockdown relaxing though? A relief? I did. Time and space for me, for family. It was amid watching the plane-crash-like statistics on the news every day so it wasn’t exactly as joyful is it might have been but it was liberating from the ‘normal’ and maybe some of that you were glad of.
Rather than grasping onto a return to normal, what shall we make of it now? This amazing creative space we have to do life differently, to think and feel our way to what actually works for us and let go of some habits and ways that, honestly, really didn’t. How do we nourish our lives, ourselves even if only so our immune systems can be at their finest? How can we be more free?
More free, more peaceful, more courageous. We can do this, because we already are. My loves, you already are.